If I fell in love again

One night of lust
One night of fun
you promised to love me for 101
I crawled into myself,
when it was all said and done
I shed my skin
I am pure sin
My heart aches
Dust on a shelf
I walked through the doors of my own soul
Discovered I don’t need you anymore
Realized I’d find love again
Until then
if I fall in love again
Instead of watching the rain,
I get drenched

4 notes
Indulgence

Indulgence
Something I have ran away from
For so long I was crawling towards the light
My path was set for me
But I forgot I was on my knees
Blinded by false hope

When a man ask me to bed for mercy I laugh in his face
Not ever god can convince me to bow before him
I ran to the darkness
Satans warm embrace

It’s not love of infatuation
It’s not forgiveness nor mercy
He is selfless
He wants me to be selfish

For so long I was the giver
The Fruit of my labor hung from my tree
I let there greedy hands rape my leaves
Left with nothing

You tell me I was born a sin
The see I was
You want me to beg forgiveness for who I am
Again I can only laugh

Indulgence 

When I am thirsty I drink until I have had enough
When I feast I gorge until my belly is full
When I sleep I awake fully rested

For I need no man
I have lost all feelings of gratitude
unless it is self gratification

I am tired of staring into broken mirrors
I am tired of being broken
The dark lord watched over me as I cradled all my broken glass
He held my bleeding heart
I looked into his eyes
Safe at last

They will judge you for your faith in me
They will mock you
They will stare

Indulgence
Something I believe strongly in
When you’ve lost all hope your body abandons itself
I had to drown in self pity to be born anew 
I had to sink first

Lucifer take my hand
I will follow you into the dark
and in my darkness I shall follow no other man
I fall to my knees for you
But you lent me your hand instead
told me I’d never play the fool again
Now here I am

Indulgence

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My sun

you told me I was delicate
no one ever saw the softer side to me
you observed and saw them take me from my home
a cherry blossom in the wind
my roots were to be replanted over and over again
my only revenge was to curse that wind
my petals did flake 
the soil made my limbs decay
stepped on and tossed aside
I used to be a flower in a bouquet
they dumped my water down the drain
I found myself wilted in the street
I found my heart dry begging for rain..
the world as I knew it went black
you told me I was delicate
someone had to have ripped me from the ground
someone had to have thrown me around
out of the darkness I saw you in the light
I feel the warmth of your rays 
bringing life back into to veins
bringing warmth into what was once only a cold embrace
you are the ball of fire in the sky
my source of life my source of light
I plan to be free and grow wild
you are the sun
and I can only hope to watch you set
and I can only hope to watch you rise
so I can bloom to full potential
instead of falling to an unfit demise
I can only hope you’ll be there shining bright

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whiskey breath

she had whiskey on her breath
lipstick stains on her cigarettes
stumblin up the steps 
strangers to your right and your left
hold the bottle to your chest
let go of everything that tried to lay you to rest
a heart shaped box
a key with a busted lock
the rain stains your dreams with rust
you’re screamin’ california or bust
you’re screamin’ at the top of your lungs
i see you on the love seat doing drugs
i laugh at all your jokes just because
your glare put me in a haze
my memory serves me plates of what once was
love love love

3 notes
Wood Bees

Its 2 am and I can’t sleep
Even if I close my eyes you appear in dream
Reality is a nightmare
I trace my nails across your back
I run my fingers through your hair
I lost myself looking for you
Limbs stretched around each other
Even if I tried I couldn’t get much closer
Your skin my skin
I wanted us to fuse together
Your atoms my atoms
I’m closing my eyes listening to your heart beat
Made of electrons protons neutrons
Made of angels tears and devils sweat
Sweet and imperfect
Its 2 am and I’m wishing this were a dream
I lie wide awake
You press your ear onto my stomach
You ask why it screams
I think of you whenever I see wood bees
I think of you when I can’t sleep
I think of you, now I can’t dream

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Heart of Glass

I told you boy I’ve got a heart of glass
You’ll hurt yourself picking up the pieces of my past
I told you not to love me if you knew it wouldn’t last
I told you we could keep it simple,
no strings attached..
But you dug your claws into my heart
I could feel the glass start to crack
I warned you of the dangerous shards
But all you did was laugh..

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Your light

He burns holes into your skin with his mouth
You shutter at his touch because you crave affection
He is poisoning you with every lie that leaves his lips
You’re drinking from the fountain of death when you kiss him
But you convince yourself all the pain and the suffering is love
You wipe away your tears
You mutter to yourself how crazy you are, fucking insane
But its not you, it never was
You letting him burn holes into and eventually you’ll be nothing
Your light has not yet gone out
Don’t let him put out your fire
Its all that you’ve got, all you’ve ever had

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Scatter Brain

Let’s paint the roses red before I start to feel blue
The tips of your toes are ice cold
But I don’t care, have I ever told you I loved you?
You’re giving me that look again
Hello again my dear old friend
Our lips have never met til now though I guarantee they’ll meet again
Let’s arch our backs because we feel primitive
The sounds you make go with your rhythm
Pops says don’t go out the towns too urban
You slide your hand up my skirt cause we’re flirtin
When you are near I miss you
But when you are far I ache for you
Let’s celebrate for no reason
Tis the season for free love and treason
You fall asleep on my chest so I hope you hear my heart beating
I hope yours is beating just as fast
I will ask you for directions and never understand math
But my pen will speak for my scatter brain
When you make me blush there’s only one thing I have to say
Let’s be together
Please stay

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I will love you

Will you love me in the morning when I have sleepy eyes and bed head?
Will you love me when my cheeks are burning bright red?
Will you love me even if I push your buttons past your wits ends?
Will you love me in the evening when the stars become our only friends?

I will love you while the sunrises and sunsets.
I will love you when you flatter me and I blush bright red.
I will love you when you loathe me even though its all pretend.
I will love you in the moonlight guided by the stars lights again and again.

3 notes
I will love you

Will you love me in the morning when I have sleepy eyes and bed head?
Will you love me when my cheeks are burning bright red?
Will you love me even if I push your buttons past your wits ends?
Will you love me in the evening when the stars become our only friends?

I will love you while the sunrises and sunsets.
I will love you when you flatter me and I blush bright red.
I will love you when you loathe me even though its all pretend.
I will love you in the moonlight guided by the stars lights again and again.

6 notes
Close your eyes.

Close your weary eyes if you are tired,
I will find you in your dreams.
Sleep peacefully,
imagine a great world of things unseen.
Don’t let reality take it all away,
close your weary eyes child,
come out and play.
I will shield you from your demons,
I will shield you from your terrors.
I will hold your heart tightly,
never losing grip.
Let the past go, don’t fret over tomorrow,
live freely with me today,
say goodbye to your sorrows.
Close your eyes if you are tired,
dream the pain away.
Sleep peacefully darling,
for I am here to stay.

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Flickering flame

Sometimes I want to kiss you
And sometimes I want to strangle you
But I’m sure you feel the same
I can’t handle hearing about the other girls
Even though its my fault I pushed you away
Please understand my hearts a flickering flame
The fire goes out
Darkness consumes me again
Until another spark has been made

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Past Lovers

I can feel the coals resting in the pit of my heart,
their embers still warm to the touch,
but nothing hot enough to get my blood pumping like before.
My heart beats still,
yet it never forgets a past lover.
Often I day dream into memories in hopes of igniting a new spark,
but it’s hard to light up a heart that was most likely born dark.

I remember my head on his shoulder on the front lawn,
I felt fragile and frail like a new born fawn.
My arms stretched around you,
my eyes lost in the blue abyss searching for clouds to giggle at.
I remember how I felt that moment,
I knew I loved you then,
but the spark that grew into a flame died,
just like so many other times.

I remember being 16 and scared to death,
lying on an unfamiliar bed or an older boy.
Deflowered and dead inside,
for I was still a child.
I felt nothing for you but regret,
a feeling I’m all too familiar with.
But I forgave,
he would forget,
just like so many other times.

I remember snuggling in my bed,
it had been so long but you resurrected the flame.
It was late, early morning, I had snuck you in,
our lips didn’t touch we just talked for hours on end.
I thought the world was playing tricks on me,
you were such a perfect being,
but I soon noticed looks can be deceiving.
I don’t think about how you left,
I just think about that time spent when things felt alright,
just like so many other times.

I remember walking past you in the hallways,
I tried to look so cool.
I thought you would get it, get me,
but you only wanted to get in me.
I remember those late night phone calls,
I would constantly ask you what was so wrong with me,
but you would just plead the 5th,
asking for nudes.
I wanted to give you it all,
but my all was too much,
not enough,
just like so many other times.

I remember lying on our backs reading books,
I would rest my head on your shoulder.
You were smitten,
I was broken,
we both decided we clashed the wrong way.
We blamed time,
but I blame myself and these past lovers,
I keep them close to me,
like you do your books on shelves.
I’m unable to love,
I’m unable to give affection,
but I’ll admit I’m jealous when you look in any other girls direction..
just like so many other times.

Each memory a little more hurtful,
but the pain is valuable in some way.
Each lover taking a piece of me,
just like so many other times.
And now I’m okay with just these memories,
I’d much rather explore the forest than stay in one tree.
And the coals are still warm,
ready to awake,
or maybe I’m content alone anyway.

7 notes
Pick up the phone

There are a million and one reasons why I love myself,
but it never seems to be enough.

I believe in two types of love,
the kind you give and the kind you receive.

I want to be the giver,
as well as the receiver.

I’m waiting for someone to pick up the phone,
dial my number and while it rings count how many times your heart skips and flutters.

I love me, myself, and I,
but there’s something about the company of another soul that navigates the misery elsewhere.

When you feel as cold as ice I will be the fire to warm your veins,
giving you a taste of life again.

As long as you don’t leave me high and dry,
as long as I don’t have to be my own best friend.

Pick up the phone,
pick up the phone,
I am the receiver.

Collect calls are worth the time,
I am the giver.

There is plenty of love left in this heart on the other line,
pick up the phone,
pick up the phone.

4 notes
Slice me up.

Blood drippin’ from my wrist,
I dug too deep.
Been up for hours,
I don’t waste time on sleep,
or countin’ sheep.
The blade slips from my hands,
I’m grabbin’ on to my seat.
I’ve got no balance,
can’t stand on my own two feet.
I’ve been diggin’ this grave for years,
I bet it’s deeper than 6 feat.
Mary Jane is the only one who cares,
the only one who’s sweet.
She takes away my troubles,
I’m numb to what destroys me.
I want to live my life,
I want to run so far away I forget everything.
Just sit back, relax,
count the smoke rings,
let my thoughts free. 
Blood drippin’ from my wrist,
no one can save me.
Nothing to take away my pain,
or this fucking grief.
My mom even thinks I’m crazy,
tryna put my ass in therapy.
What they don’t know,
or see,
is they’d be better off without me. 

0 notes