You are the disease.

The way you don’t care about anything is like a fucking disease.
I let what you said get to me.
You said all the right things,
you made me believe your insides were sweet.
I am just a young girl,
cocky and naive.
I wanted to watch the world burn with you.
I wanted you to understand the darkness inside of me.
I was stupid to think you could even understand or relate.
The demon inside me has been fighting for years,
and I guess I expected you to care,
maybe even dry my tears.
The way you look at yourself in the mirror makes me sick.
You’re not even witty or deep,
just shallow, a total fucking creep.
I realize it wasn’t me after all,
it was you.
You are the disease.

Love isn’t real.

Love isn’t real.
All the boys see a broken heart,
so they rob and steal.
They’re thirsty,
doing anything for a cheap meal.
But I’m not a fool.
I know you want a good time,
and I’m gonna give it to you.
I was born into this world alone,
misunderstood girl from the suburbs,
living in a dysfunctional home.
Nothing since then has changed,
I can’t tell if I’m content,
or simply insane.
Flesh is the only thing I crave,
and I sure as hell don’t believe in God,
true love or fate.
I know I’ve got a space 6 feet under,
satans always calling my name.
He made me a trickster,
that’s how I know how to play the game.
Waiting for the world to end,
I rely on myself,
I’m my only true friend.
Yet I find myself still searching again.
I’m on the look out for a quick fix,
won’t get attached,
I’ve got my heart guarded although it’s been nicked.
All these players think they’re slick,
but what they don’t know is I’m not humble,
I’m a cold hearted bitch.
I know nothing last forever,
hearts can’t break,
and people aren’t really that clever.
Love isn’t real,
I’ve got a past to prove it.
The words coming out your mouth,
it’s all bullshit.
You’re born alone,
you die alone,
our hearts will never find a home,
but that’s okay.
I would rather live my life this way.

What do you want.

I don’t need to be saved,
I’m not another damsel in distress.
Just get that ass over here,
unzip this sun dress.
My life’s a mess,
my hearts a ship wreck,
but I’m not lookin’ for a hand out,
I got all hands on deck.
Fuck all the petty tramps,
I got more class,
a fatter ass,
and any test you give I’m guaranteed to pass.
I don’t need anyone,
or anything.
Yes I like the finer things,
but I don’t need a diamond ring.
Just get into bed with me,
make my skin crawl,
and watch my body sing,
like a canary.
I promise I’m not crazy,
just want you to call me maybe,
cause I don’t play games baby.
You’re all I want,
you’re what I might need,
but if you don’t know what you want,
then you can’t fuck with me.

Voice of Reason

I’m tryna’ be the voice of reason
but these seasons got me on another level of all these petty treason’s
I wasn’t looking for love
just a fucking reason, something to believe in
no god, no hope, I just let this disease sink in

Stuck in gutter
my mother never cared, so fuck her
ran out of luck and all these niggas screamin’
‘I’ma fuck her’
but they never have enough paper
I’m a slave to this country,
a money maker

I can’t seem to get over myself
look in the mirror, grow a pair,
disregard those who hate me, stick ‘em to the side on a dusty shelf
let ‘em rot in hell
I could care less because I am careless
fearless
I put my heart on the line
sweaty palms
all I’m askin is to be wined and dined 
meet a gentlemen, keep it real
stay lifted, stay high

But I’m stuck her in this shit hole
I’ll never feel how I felt,
this shit is real
I wanna disappear because I’m on another level
fallen so many times
I’m still brushin the gravel
might as well pull the fuckin trigger
the life I live is not full

I’m tryna’ be the voice of reason
wanna give you somethin’ to believe in
but how when I can’t even look to myself
‘cause all these dudes keep on mistreatin
they’re thirsty as fuck
pay for their meals, and they want more to eat man
I just can’t take it

There is no reason in this cold cruel world
I’m just another lonely daddys girl
keep drinkin’ til I forget
but then I hurl
up the memories, got puke in my curls
Wake up and do it all again
a loner for life 
don’t have any real friends
woke up on the wrong side of the bed,
cut my life line, put this bullet through my head
any voice of reason that was left is dead 

Words of wisdom.

Words of wisdom.
Keep your heart guarded,
it may have wings but it’s not meant to fly.
Get your head out of the clouds,
the oxygen is better down here.
Never ever dance with the devil,
your sins will make you who you are.
Keep a straight and steady path,
and you shall be rewarded greatly.

Now fuck everything I just said,
do the exact opposite.
Live your life how you want,
you don’t owe the world anything.

Words of true wisdom.
Always listen to your heart,
trust in its wings as you’ll soar.
Keep your head in the clouds, in outer space,
a little day dreaming never hurt anybody.
Dance with whom ever you please,
in your life there will be plenty evil and plenty good around you.
You make your own path, follow your gut, take pride in your mistakes, you’re only human,
in return life will deal you the cards you deserve.

You are the wise one.

I will never love again.

I no longer crave attention.
My heart is fickle.
I do not yearn for the warmth of a stranger.
The darkness cradles me to sleep at night.
My loneliness brings forth clarity to my mind.
I am better off without love.
My heart functions only to pump blood.
I have no feelings.
I am numb.
Like these short sentences I know nothing last forever.
I do not feel whole in this world.
Only death is permanent.
Therefore I will never love again.

Made in Heaven.

I use to have wings like an angels,
but the innocence of my childhood didn’t seem to last,
and they soon enough turned to dust.
The longitudinal like scars left on my back remind me of my past,
like how no matter what history repeats itself,
and my hearts becomes increasingly crass.
I am weak in the knees for I have searched and found nothing to believe in,
except that I was made with such fine intentions,
but ‘cause nothing but utter destruction.
It’s like inside of me there are cities and buildings burning,
a brutal apocalypse churning in my stomach,
pumping nothing but pure hate and violence through my veins.
I am falling apart in the worst possible way tonight,
I am dieing on the inside,
but on the surface the illusion of happiness tricks you into thinking I’m just fine.
I wish so much to have those wings again,
for if I did I’d spread them towards the heavens,
and swear to whomever my maker is that I’d never take another day for granted.

wasted youth

My body aches
and I miss the taste
of your lips after another cigarette.

You say I’m a waste
of culture and youth
but that’s only because I never loved you.

Midnight manic episodes
cause what you did was pretty low
but the earth still revolves and you’ve got to go.

I need nicotine and alcohol
to cushion me when I fall
‘cause I’ve done myself wrong.

Stay in school
I am the wasted youth
what they say is true.

Slice me up.

Blood drippin’ from my wrist,
I dug too deep.
Been up for hours,
I don’t waste time on sleep,
or countin’ sheep.
The blade slips from my hands,
I’m grabbin’ on to my seat.
I’ve got no balance,
can’t stand on my own two feet.
I’ve been diggin’ this grave for years,
I bet it’s deeper than 6 feat.
Mary Jane is the only one who cares,
the only one who’s sweet.
She takes away my troubles,
I’m numb to what destroys me.
I want to live my life,
I want to run so far away I forget everything.
Just sit back, relax,
count the smoke rings,
let my thoughts free. 
Blood drippin’ from my wrist,
no one can save me.
Nothing to take away my pain,
or this fucking grief.
My mom even thinks I’m crazy,
tryna put my ass in therapy.
What they don’t know,
or see,
is they’d be better off without me. 

I’ll care.

You want someone to be there,
someone to care.
A hand to hold,
a throat to coke,
another bowl to smoke.
I know how it feels to be alone,
a dog without its bone,
living in a house that’s not a home.
You need someone to hold on,
always there, never gone.
I need you to stick around,
pick me up when I hit the ground.
Spin’ my head round and round,
fuck me til’ I can’t make a sound.
Looking for somethin’ permanent,
got a hard on like cement,
and I won’t ask you to repent,
‘cause even I love to sin.
You want someone to be there,
what if I told you I cared?
What if I said I’ve been there,
and back. 
Serious like a heart attack,
let you put me on my back,
moanin’ til the sun rises,
and it’s time to pack.
I don’t plan on leaving,
‘cause you got me feeling,
things I’ve never felt before,
got me coming back for more.
If you are the sea,
I promise I’ll be your shore.

I used to be heartless, but look at me now.

I wake up, you’re in my head
my thoughts are fucked
I feel brain dead.
Numb, yet feeling everything
fast heart beats
nothing’s subtle here.
My dear,
I don’t wish to be played with,
but I don’t wish to be feared.
I’ve been stabbed in the heart
by many hunters with their spears.
Lubricate before you use,
grind my gears.
My head hits the pillow,
I’m hoping for sweet dreams,
not nightmares.
I feel like I’m on drugs,
when I’m with you,
the whole world needs a fuckin’ group hug.
When you’re gone,
it feels like my hearts been mugged.
I’m tired of the lies,
the bruises and the shame.
I never wanted anything more,
than to screw the player at his own game.
But everything is different now.
I met you,
and every time you walk away I turn around,
to see if you’re lookin’ back too.
I don’t wanna be another tally mark,
I don’t wanna have to cross my heart,
and hope to die,
but for you I think I’d give it a try.




 

You make me sick.

I gag and choke until I puke.
I am thinking of you,
again.
The smell of vomit on my dress hits me hard.
Its scent burns my nostrils,
and I’m hugging the toilet one more.
I am detoxing.
Every memory of you was shit.
Blood seeps out my nose and slinks down my throat.
It reaches my heart,
a now bottomless pit.
You are what made me so sick.
There’s no subtle way to fix this,
so I must simply end it.
With the slice of a razor,
and a steady wrist,
you know longer have my arm to twist.
An angel then kisses my vomit lips.
She takes me to a place that smells of lavender and freshly washed sheets,
instead of beer and piss.
I am free to forget you now,
free to live.

Whiskey Lungs

Liquid death
I drink the whiskey
It slips throughout my body
Fills my lungs up
This is a certain kind of sadness

Fuckin’ your youth away

Baby let’s get love drunk,
but forget the love,
let’s just fuck ‘cause we’re too young.
We are the wasted youth,
we don’t know what to do,
and we don’t care.
You don’t gotta come home with me,
I don’t have to call you back,
but I’ll still meet you on the other side of the tracks.
No need for affection,
just look quick in my direction,
and I’ll be yours for the night.
Chain smoke our lives away,
don’t care to live another day,
‘cause your corpse turns to shit in the ground anyway.
It’s 2012 darling,
I don’t need no promise ring,
just spend your days in angst with me.
I won’t leave,
if you won’t leave,
but no one’s forcing you to stay.
I just wanna get drunk,
forget all the times I fucked the other boys,
and spend a night with you.
I just wanna say FUCK it,
kick the bucket,
if there’s nothing left after these good old days.
Baby let’s get love drunk,
forget love we can just fuck,
‘cause we’re too young for this shit. 

young, wild, and dead.

They see me as a youngin’,
but the blood that’s been spilt is from an old soul.
And the few years I’ve spent here,
haven’t been so wonderful.
I am somewhat of a monster,
a double crosser.
I’ll invite you to bed,
but tare your heart to shreds.
No regrets.
The lies keep piling up,
and I get this bad feeling in my gut,
whenever you come around.
I’m a mess,
darling I must confess,
I thought I’d last longer.
I almost believed I was stronger,
but I’m no different then the rest.
Live hard,
die young,
this life you live is not a test.