It’s somewhat inevitable.
The sadness that creeps like an alley cat in the night,
quickly and cleverly, but oh so quietly, inching it’s way back into my life.
The subtle dark cloud that darkens my days returns with its rain,
while I am far to self absorbed in my self loathing to even notice,
therefor I am drenched in sadness yet again.
It’s as if I am the only flower in a beautifully blooming garden that didn’t bother to root itself deep enough,
so I am left to the suns abuse parched for water.
I could even compare this awful feeling to the loss of a loved one.
You know, a sister, uncle, nephew, or step daughter,
but it’s worse because instead I lost myself in this shipwreck.
During the storm of what I call my feeble life I watched with both eyes the waves that came and swept me away.
And as I hit the ocean floor I looked up to calm waters only to see a reflection.
I stared puzzled into the eyes of a familiar soul but finally had some sort of ground breaking recollection.
I was staring at myself.
And sadly I could see that I was once maybe more than happy.
The feeling in her eyes was quite refreshing and giddy,
and like I child I would dance and twirl, laugh and sing, until I got unbearably dizzy.
But lighting strikes twice and the young girl staring back at me vanished,
soon I realize who I am and I’m famished from the exhausting thought of being stuck here with myself for eternity.
I wish it’s wasn’t so inevitable,
but it seems I must bare the cold truths of my own pathetic reality.
My sadness consumes me like you would the food on your plate,
and my self worth will never be anything close to love,
but instead the most brutal form of hate.
And though some could debate that I am being too hard on myself I would construct them otherwise to really look at life as a whole.
But I would never expect anyone to understand why I am the way I am.
I just accept this fate as it is the universes choice for me,
and what I mean, or have always meant,
is you and I are no greater then the specs of dust in a simple vent.
it’s inevitable to me.
#poem #poetry #personal #depression #self loathing #inevitable